Relationship Reflection

Relationships are important to me because I stay connected with people I love, trust, and feel comfortable to be around in their company.   Relationships is synonymous to a conducive environment where one can feel relax and be just their true selves. I find happy when I am with certain people whose presence make me feel like I am part of their life.

My mother: 

The best mom in the world. My relationship with her is crowned abundantly with affection, which it is always hard to delineate. She raised me, she believed in me she was there for me as a young girl, she gave and still sacrifices so much for me. She is gentle, fun to be around, a good story teller, and a proud mother of eleven children. The joyfulness, love, fun and the late night conversations with endless advice and genuine concern about my well-being makes this relationship exquisitely important to me. Sometimes I panic at the thought that one day she will have to leave me to eternity and I tear up. She is a God fearing woman, gracious, cordial, and lovable person.I love you mom.

My Husband Joseph:  

 

 A relation that surpasses all was the relationship with Joseph my husband. We got married as two young high school sweet hearts in 1977 and we were blessed with five children. The relationship with Joseph was a mutual relationship of true love and commitment. The pinnacle of our relationship was on trust, love, and fidelity for one another. This relationship lasted for 25 years when he lost his battle to cancer in October 2002. It is ten years ago but because of the relationship that was built so strong it has been difficult to forget. I still love and cherish him,  I do not feel like I can ever date nor remarry because it took years to build this wonderful intimate marital relationship we shared together.

Joseph became my best friend, he was more than a brother, someone I could depend on, a true pal that I could count on and above all, I felt secured, protected against the most difficult storm in his presence. He could take a bullet on my behalf. He loved me,and  thought I was his treasure. He  held me in high esteem and would show great compassion whenever I was sick.  Nonetheless, my experiences with my relationship with Joseph have taught me a lot about relationships. It is a give and take process and both parties need to be willing to compromise and be committed in the relationship. Yes, it takes two to tangle and that applies to relationships as well. It entails a two way open communication. The first five years of our lives together we were constantly arguing, fighting, competing and had no time for each other. We were like two captains on a ship and no one would listen to the other. It took time to build trust and respect and to value the ideas of the other person. Through open, honest, and sincere communications about how one felt we were able to work on those issues that were irritable and factors that could wreck our marriage. We grew, matured and learned from each other. Behold, the last fifteen years of the relationship it was as if we had everything in place and we were just enjoying the fruits of our labor. The harvest was good. We talked more, laughed, played and had fun together. The more we grew in love and understanding; it became easier to solve our problems because we understood each other’s interest, likes, and dislikes. This was the most important relationship I had in my life. Today without this relationship, I have been depressed, bitter, lonely, and void of joy.  Life has not been the same ever since Joseph passed away.Sometimes it is the feelings of hopelessness and despair. It was like the sun set at noon for me. He was my sheltering tree, who suddenly was gone at the age of 47.  I often feel lost in my thoughts and in the world. I ponder what the purpose of life is, how fragile and vulnerable one’s life on earth is and contemplate how the vacuum created by this relationship can ever be filled. This relationship of love with Joseph   is indelible, because though he is gone I still cherish and love him each passing day.

My children: 

The reason I live today is for my children. They are precious young men and lady. They are witty, humorous, very entertaining and they make me laugh.  I see their dad’s qualities in them and my love for them is unconditional. We all share the same family values of love and respect for each other. We have been through difficult times together and we depend on one another for true love and emotional support. I  know they  miss their dad but the good thing is whenever we are all together we keep Joseph's memories alive. They will imitate what he used  to do or imagine how he would have been excited on  their graduations from schools.They miss playing soccer with their dad and because of the bond formed two of the boys are great soccer players in their school teams.   Our relationship as a family is further solidified because we are open to positive criticism in our family. I criticized them and they criticized me as well pointing out in good faith what and how they feel about certain issues that may probe up. We learn to listen to each one’s point of view and this to me is one of the characteristics of a good relationship.My grandson follows in the footsteps of the uncles he wants to be with "NuNu"(Grandma) all the time and I just spoil him  with abundant hugs and kisses because he has brought happiness in my life as he is named after my husband.

"NuNu"  and Grandson bond together

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Friends:They make you  forget the rainy days of your life.

 Friends share, bond, love and support each  other.

Having  fun, laughter builds a strong relationship.

These are friends I can call anytime and I know they will be they for me. They advise, suggest and help ungrudgingly when you ask them.   I have a lot in common as we went to the same secondary school as early teenagers and grew up in the same boarding school. This relationship is positive because we respect each other’s opinion, sometimes we disagree and argue in a fun way, and we are all easy going ladies. We believe life is too short to spent time frowning and embittering one another. We know we are not perfect and we are quick to forgive and forget and have more fun time sharing and expressing joy at the accomplishments of each person. When tribulations strike they are there to give moral support and shoulder to lean on and cry.  From my experiences any relationship based on love and mutual understanding will yield positive outcomes.

Relationships are important in life because no man is an island.We need one another to make the world a better place. All it takes is  to  love,understand, and appreciate the differences that exist within your friends, family,and siblings and cherish  the beauty in  diversity.

Finally, relationship does not end with your friends, as an early childhood professional, it is important to understand my students’ likes and dislikes. I want to see them as individuals and get to know their uniqueness. It is of importance to share ideas and build trust with each of the children and to provide a conducive, relaxing atmosphere where students can feel relax and comfortable to ask whatever questions they want and feel appreciated.A nurturing relationship that will lead them to achieve their dreams in future.

Quotes about Children

 Here are my favorite quotes about children. Hope  through the quotes we can discern to see the hidden talents and  the burning flames in  children's  hearts to become like us  in future.

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove . . . . but the world maybe different because I was important in the life of a child.” – Kathy Davis

"Teaching children is an accomplishment; getting children excited about learning is an achievement.”-Robert John Meehan

"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children." Mandela

                            

"A child miseducated is a child lost"John F. Kennedy

Multiple Intelligences

Considering a commitment to viewing young children holistically (i.e., a commitment to "the whole child"), what, if anything, do you believe should be measured or assessed? Explain your reasoning.

It is important for children to be viewed and assessed holistically. We know children are unique in learning styles and individual needs. Thus, learning modalities refer to the style learners use to acquire information and focus on the process.  What should be measured or assessed should depend on the purpose of the assessment. There are various tests such as; aptitude test which is the potential to master a specific skill or to learn a certain body of knowledge (Berger,2009). Berger further notes that IQ test are designed to measured intelligence aptitude or ability to learn in school; and achievement test is a measure of mastery or proficiency in reading, mathematics, science or some other subject (Berger, 2009). Intelligence can then be defined as the ability to solve problems and to adapt and learn from experiences (Santrock, 2008). If assessments are intended, the focus should be on individual differences because individual differences are the stable and consistent ways in which individuals differ from one another. Using standardized test such as the Binet and the Wechsler scales to assess all children does not seem fair and comes with some limitations; and sometimes these tests are culturally biased and stressful (Berger, 2009). Berger also notes that critics of IQ tests say that developmentalists affirm that intellectual potential do change over lifespan another downside of the IQ tests.

It would be reasonable therefore to test or assesses a child holistically because according to Howard Gardner humans have multiple intelligences. Consequently, relying on one form of IQ test would be doubtful (Berk, 2009; Berger, 2009). Multiple intelligences are the learners' biological potential and independent, diverse cognitive abilities Howard Gardner refers to multiple intelligences as tools to use in teaching and learning.; and he suggests at least eight elements of multiple intelligences; (Linguistic/language, logical/mathematical, musical, spatial, bodily kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalist) that provide better-quality distinctions among behaviors (Hutinger, 2011). Authentic assessment gives a better measurement of a child, and the methods of assessment must be appropriate to the development and experiences of the child. As noted (Kakz, 2011; Shepard, 1997), assessments made during children's informal work and play are most likely to minimize the many potential errors of various assessment strategies. Young children are notoriously poor test-takers: perhaps because they are sometimes confused by being asked questions that they think the tester must already be familiar with the answers. Katz stipulates that there is reason to suggest that the younger the child being evaluated, assessed, or tested, the more errors are made. Katz (2011) further indicates that all methods of assessment make errors: the errors made by formal tests are different from those made by informal or anecdotal records and documentation notes; the errors made by specific checklists of behavioral items are different from those made by holistic impressionistic assessments. Based on cultural, environmental influences on children’s development a holistic assessment would be a preference for me to standardized tests. Through daily instruction, constant holistic assessment does help to modify one’s instruction to meet children’s individual needs which the IQ tests cannot give.

In what ways are school-age children assessed in other parts of the world? (Choose a country or region of the world for which you have a personal affinity.)

In other parts o f the world like in the West African country of Cameroon, most school -age children have more of informal assessment before they go to school and a sort of a holistic assessment on social, cognitive development is done. Schools in rural areas would assess children based on their cultural norms like counting in the child’s dialect or assessing skills in a particular farming season. They may be asked to perform certain skills to determine their abilities and talents and sometimes their age group; because some child may not be very certain about their age if the parents did not document when they were born. However, the scenario is different from the urban towns. Children are assessed like in the case of Cameroon, with a standardized tests called First School Leaving certificate at the end of class seven (equivalent to 7th  grade) and children are mostly around 11 years of age. Assessment of individual students is solely   to make placement or promotion decisions.

Then at a tender age of eleven, the children  leave their homes to spend five years in secondary schools. Based on family status and   choice children may go to a boarding, public, or private school, where admissions are based on holistic assessment for the most parts. During each term or semester, there is formal assessment and at the end of five years there is one standardized test for all students called the General Certificate of Education (GCE) Ordinary Level. The examination is very objective, and takes into consideration the different ethnic setup in the society and background experiences of the typical Cameroonian child. Those who pass are then admitted into high schools for two years, which would be the equivalence of the 11and 12^th grade in the U.S. At the end of the two years, they write the GCE Advance Level examination and they are ready to head off to various Universities. The content of assessments of reveals and shows progress toward important learning goals covered. On the other hand, the vocational technical schools assess its students  using performance based assessments and other informal educational settings undertake holistic assessment. According to (Miller, 2011), holistic education is based on the premise that each person finds identity, meaning, and purpose in life through connections to the community, to the natural world, and to spiritual values such as compassion and peace. Miller reiterates that holistic education aims to call forth from young people an intrinsic reverence for life and a passionate love of learning. This is done, not through an academic curriculum that condenses the world into instructional packages, but through direct engagement with the environment. Miller’s ideology plays out vividly in this part of the world. The vocational and many informal educational settings in Cameroon fulfill the dreams of many children who are not gifted for academic work and they still become successful and functional individuals of the society.

What additional ideas, comments, suggestions, examples, and/or concerns related to assessing young children would you like to share with your colleagues?

I would like to share the fact that assessment can definitely bring down or raise a child’s self image or self esteem. Many teachers for some reason do not seem to understand the purpose of assessment. Once a child is not performing up to expectations the first thing is to find out what the child’s problems are before rushing to conclusion about the child or family.

My son’s case has always resonated with me. Fourteen years ago my son was nine when he came to the U.S and of course he had an accent. His teacher for one reason could not understand him and for the most part sent home little annoying notes about him. She felt by son had to be in third grade or go to special education. We decided to meet the teacher and I told him there was no point wanting to assess him because as his report card showed, he was passing very well in his previous school.  Before I knew she was adamant the child needed to be in a special education class.  Being new to the country I didn’t know much about special education because it doesn’t exist in my country. The name special Education sounded so attractive to my ears that I would have thought it was really a “special” favor she wanted to give my son. This lady talked about the child not respecting personal space and could not keep his hands to himself. I was lost at words and I told her I would go home and talk it over with my husband. I needed time to go home and find out more about this special education, personal space and hands to him issue.  

The next day I met the teacher and I was swelling with anger in my stomach as I understood where she wanted my son to go.  “How dare she think of my son like that” was all that kept coming to my mind. I thought about the first Halloween celebration and how all of us in my family didn’t even know what it was all about when every minute someone would ring the bell; and God alone knows what we heard in place of “trick or treat”. And to save my child from embarrassment I told her that if there was to be any assessment I would like to be part of the assessment team to make sure contents were familiar to my son. That was turned down and I told her then my son would not be assessed.  The principal, counselor tried to talk me in to it but I stood my grounds. I told them without mincing words that the teacher’s only reason was because of my son’s accent. Based on her little comments and notes she sent home. If my son insisted to call his pants at the time as trousers, there was nothing wrong with that; it was just another name for pants in a different culture. I remember her correcting my son for using the word “boot of a car” in a sentence to “trunk” of the car. The irony with this particular teacher was she too had a thick Texan accent. So I told her just as she could not understand my son because of his accent, by the same token, he too could not understand her because of her Texans accent. We all have an accent.  I told her for the personal space and hands by him I would work with my son on that, but she needed to understand that, children from his background loved to play, touch each other and it was never an issue.  Honestly, those first four months in the U.S was like going to hell and back. Bottom line my son was never tested, within 6 to 7 months, the boy had almost assimilated and adapted to the culture, he could speak clearly; he was loved by his teachers and peers.  I guess that is what happens to most immigrant children retain and wrongly placed indifferent grade levels. If I had accepted the teacher’s offer of special education maybe my son would not have completed university by now.

References

Berger,S. K.(2009). The Developing Person Through the Life Span (5th ed). New York, NY: Worth  

                 Publishers.

Hutinger, P. (2011). Learning Modalities: Pathways to Effective Learning

              http://www.pbs.org/teachers/earlychildhood/articles/learningmodalities.html

Kakz, L.G. (1997). A Developmental Approach to Assessment of Young Children

              ERIC Digest. Urbana, IL: ERIC Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education

              Retrieved October 10, 2012 from

              http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/1997/katz97.html

(Miller, R.(2011). New Directions in Education Selections from Holistic Education   
            Review Retrieved October10, 2012 from                   
           http://www.pathsoflearning.net/articles_Holistic_Ed_ Introduction .php

Santrock,J.(2008).Essentials of the Life-span development.(2nd ed).New York, N.Y:  

                 McGrawHill Publishers

Shepard, L. A. (1994). The challenges of assessing young children appropriately.
               Phi Delta Kappan, 76(3), 206- 212. EJ 492 843.